Naaman

Lord, today you spoke to me through the Kings. 2 Kings, with a man named Naaman. I don't know how long you have been wanting me to hear this message, but for some reason, today it jumped out at me. For what seems like eons I have heard of Jesus, how he came to serve, not to be served. How Jesus, Your son, gave up His royal throne and came to earth to be a human, and how You let him do so. How this Son, who was in the highest of high positions with You, gave it up to come and wash the feet of tax collectors and dine with prostitutes. Today You impressed upon me the similar nature of a man named Naaman.

He was pretty high up in the scheme of things also. Strong, the commander of an army. But not a little army, a big one. And the king's right hand man. He was probably brave. Certainly had some sort of cunning and cleverness to him. This guy was in charge of a whole lot of folks. Naaman didn't have to worry about where his next meal would come from, nor whether or not he would have to make it. There were servants for that. I'm pretty sure that Naaman would have been sitting pretty well. There was only one problem....

On a pause, how many people do I know like that, Lord? How many people do I look at from the outside and think that they have it pretty good? Big house, lots (or not) of kids, nice cars, vacations, they probably even have their own automatic dishwasher - I have one of those too, but he doesn't like it when I call him that....the people I am thinking of really seem to have it together....and I confess that I am more than a little jealous.

Back to Naaman. He had a problem that for most people was probably easy to see. He was a leper. All those things he had, servants, foods, horses, military command, prestige, money...couldn't hide the fact that he also had a disease. LORD, why do you do this? Only to bring glory to you! For you are the healer. So a servant of the king had heard about Elisha, a prophet, who could probably heal Naaman. So Naaman packs up and brings a whole boatload - or mule load- of silver, gold and clothing to go visit Elisha. He is directed there by the king of Isreal who thinks he has to solve Naaman's problem himself....How often do I do that, Lord, think that I have to be the one to solve someone's problem???? How much easier to direct them to YOU? So this is what the King of Isreal does, send Naaman off to find Elisha.
At this point Elisha tells Naaman to go wash in the Jordan river 7 times.

Did I mention that Naaman was a pretty important guy? For him to take the time to wash in a muddy river would be ridiculous! Insulting even. A waste of time. He had come from Aram, and the rivers there were clean. The Jordan was dirty. He was an important person, someone who could kill people. Someone who could capture whole cities! Someone who had thousands at his beck and call. To be told that he ought to go wash, not once, but 7 times, in a moving mud puddle was absurd. So he didn't. He got mad instead. How often do I do that, Lord? You offer me a simple solution and I can't swallow my pride long enough to follow Your will? I can't sacrifice the story, I can't let go of the "impressive-ness" of some big adventure to follow a simple directive that will solve my deepest wound. I would imagine that Naaman's pride was sufficient to sustain him through battle, his machismo was built as a protective wall around the deepest injury he had ever sustained. Here was this really important man, and yet he was unclean. He could strike terror into the hearts of those he captured, but was it because of his skill or his disease? How deep rooted was his insecurity? How haughty his spirit? How deep is my insecurity? How haughty my spirit? What must I give up to answer Your simple call, O my Lord?
It was through his own servant that Naaman heard the Lord. When he was unwilling to go into the Jordan river, his servant looked at him and asked if he wouldn't have been more willing to do something grand, instead how easy to do something so small. His servant cut to the heart of the matter, Naaman, why does it have to be a big thing? Yes, you would be willing to kill a lion, to slay a bear, to capture cities and plunder villages, but the Lord isn't asking that, instead, He, through his servant Elisha, is asking you to bathe. To, both literally and physically, get clean. When Naaman realizes his mistake and condescends enough to go bath, he is indeed cleansed. He is so grateful that he approaches Elisha and bows down as his servant. Not only in action, but he actually calls himself Elisha's servant and proclaims that there is no God but the Lord in Isreal. Again, the servant rules. And while it is not a big, grand, gripping adventure, it makes a pretty good tale.

Lord, I ask that you would open my eyes to see. Please, Lord, help me to not complicate things, or make them bigger than they are. Lord, I pray that I, like Naaman, would be able to see that you have a simple plan for my life, and if I am willing to do as you tell me, I will be healed. Then, when I have obeyed and followed your will, I ask that I proclaim you as King, and give you the Glory.

O Lord, please just come.

Sitting here with tears in my eyes. My heart is in anguish. There are times, Lord, when I long to be able to hear Your voice. "I would take no for an answer, just to know I'd heard you speak." O Lord, how long? Who am I kidding. I would love to be able to hear your voice all the time. I am not finely tuned enough to know you. I pray that as You call Your sheep, I will be able to discern Your voice. Please, help me tune out the rest, so the still, small voice that You call out in will reach my ears in this world of bombardment!

A friend had a vision. A nightmare. A message from You, Lord. And reading it, talking about it, I can see it. I can nearly smell it. I fear it. The desolation, emptiness, fright that is palpable. Peter tells us to hasten the day of Your coming. To do so by praying. Seeking to save the lost. Gather those sheep. O Lord. I don't want to shield my babies from that kind of life that the vision portrayed. I don't want to carry them over wasted and ravaged land. With all of my being, I don't want to fear for them in that way.

With all of my heart, all that is in me. I beg of You, Lord, please. Come soon. These things shall all pass away, and Lord, I long to be home. to honor, praise, and worship. To adore, to dance. Only You.

If it comes to that vision, Lord, I'll make it through, but only by Your Grace. If it doesn't, and You come for us, soon, I'll rise to meet You, By Your Grace....

With all my Love, all my Hope, and all my Faith, I desire to remain in You...

Responsibility

It's been a long time, Lord....I know You haven't forgotten me, nor I, You....but I have been away from this computer, and this place to share my thoughts. But tonight You are working in me and I feel compelled to write. So I will...

First, You have been working in me since before I was born. You have started a great work in me, though I don't know that I could pinpoint, or even "broad side of a barn" locate it...but I do know that without a doubt, You are there.

In the last few days You put a book into my hands. Written by a man who spent time on his face, so much so that he wore the floor boards in his office into grooves...THAT takes effort, time, and patience. I have so much to learn. I was reading his book, and am learning about possession. Even before today, I would try to emphasize in my own heart that I don't OWN things. I always start there...that the "stuff" around me is that, just STUFF. All just things. Things can be replaced. Certainly exceptions, those heirlooms that are of sentimental value, or photos...but still, as the saying goes, you can't take it with you. For that I am so glad! I can't imagine trying to pack!! As I was thinking about possession, I was hit with the idea of Responsibility. The Things- and I capitalize Things, because they seem to take on a life of their own! - around me are mine. I possess them. But they do nothing in return. Sure, some perform a service, in the kitchen perhaps, or trigger a memory, or brush my teeth. From the exotic- not too much of that around here-, to the mundane, there are so many things here that I possess. If they break, and this is where it hit me, Lord...I am responsible for them. Ahhh...responsible. A duty.

I start with Things. I love some of them. My camera. I really enjoy having a car. I would be inconvenienced without it. When the weather is nice, I love my bike. Love the trailer that goes with it, so I can take kiddos along. I love warm, cozy blankets. But it doesn't take long to get done with Things. I try to remember to give them to You, Lord. That they are not mine, I am just borrowing them. I remember that for our kiddos, we stress what is important...we ask them, People or Things? We always hope they have the "right" answer...People, of course.

So when I am done with Things, I move on to PEOPLE. I think of those whom I love. Grandma, Mom, Dad, Brother, In-laws, nieces and nephews, cousins, friends. I try to give them to You. I pray that they are safe in Your hands, in Your care, in Your Grace. The ones I love come first. I would miss them if they were gone. I would be devastated if some of them were to go to be with You...but in my safety and naivete, I like to think that I would be joyful -at some level- for their chance to be with You in Your House! Then....after I have thought of those whom I love, that's when it gets hard....next comes those whom I LOVE.

It's different, Lord. love and LOVE. Don't You think, Father? As my Father, I am sure that You LOVE all Your children. I can't conceive of someone that You only would love. For You are GOD. And that is how it is with me...not that I am GOD, but that I LOVE four people. ...I try to give them to You, but it is painfully obvious that I struggle with it.

This book that You put in my hands, the part I am reading now is about being blessed by possessing nothing...it talks about Abraham. You asked him, Abraham, to take his son, to KILL him...according to this particular author, You asked this of Abraham because You saw that his child had taken Your place in his heart. From where You had reigned supreme in Abraham's heart, Isaac now sat. It started innocently enough, for Abraham was old when Isaac was born, he'd probably given up hope of having children...but this was Your covenant with him. So when Isaac was born, imagine the joy, the blessing, the celebration, the RELIEF. Of course, all those promises You had made would come to pass, now, here with this child, Isaac. And Isaac grew, he walked, he talked. He smiled at his mom and dad, he fell and scraped his knees, he cried, and he went to them for comfort. He learned alongside his dad, he asked for advice, he outgrew clothes, and he learned new skills. He became a man alongside his father, Your servant. I wrestle with this joy also. For when I look at my children, YOUR children. I am so blessed by them. When I look at my husband, YOUR son, I am so honored. In my weakness, I cannot fathom losing them. When I think of giving them to You, I choke. Don't You understand, Lord? I LOVE them!

I need them.

I think of my life without those whom I LOVE, and I suffocate. I claw at my throat, tears well in my eyes, and my stomach heaves. My baby. My boys. My partner and friend. I am lost. I am alone. I am parched and starved. I ache with longing for them, just in thinking of giving them to You. I would be nothing...worthless. Without them, lost. Wandering. Desolate. Their voices ring in my ear, I can see their expressions in my mind's eye, I imagine them on a constant reel in my head. They have wrapped their fingers around my heart, and I do...I LOVE them. You know this, right? Of course.

While I have been Away, I have struggled with the cliche of how to "give things to God". So this "possessing", this "responsibility", this LOVE...I have no answers. Except to say that I cannot imagine how it will happen. That I will give them to You.

Abraham was rich, yet he possessed nothing. He had given it all to You. There he was, about to slay his son, ready, because in the night he had come to the conclusion that You would raise him from the dead! He knew that You were faithful in Your promise to make a nation of Isaac! and so he trusted You.

I'd say that things were different then, that You talked to Your people differently than You do now....but I don't know for sure.

So when I think about Things, I'd like to say that I am pretty okay with giving them to You. I know I have gotten better.

When I think about those whom I love, I am not okay with giving them to You, but I try each day.

But there are desires in my heart, people and hopes that I LOVE. and I cry out to think that I have to give them up. I am wrenched to think that I must say goodbye. That I may have to accept that I will never have this dream. To give it all to You, and let You decide. It is a daily, hourly, minute by minute struggle. Tug-of-war with my heart. my soul. my ache.

To Abraham, perhaps You said something like this "It's all right. I only wanted to remove (this) from the temple of your heart that I might reign unchallenged there. I wanted to correct the perversion that existed in your love."

Really?

But I LOVE them.

and through my drying tears, Your Spirit intercedes for me with groans that words cannot express...and I come to a realization. O my Father, You DO know. You do know that I LOVE them, that I would be bereft, devastated, alone, if You took them from me. You know because You did it. You LOVED Your Only Son, and yet You killed Him for me. You gave Him to me...and look what I did with Him. I was responsible for Him, I was to take good care, and I broke Him. But You knew this ahead of time, and still You trusted me. and to this day, You trust me. You long for my LOVE. In the temple of my heart, You long to be KING. And I have others there because I LOVE them.

I promise you, daily, nightly, I will talk to You. I will come to You. I will offer them to You, even though I LOVE them...I LOVE You, too. I will, I will offer them to You, and I will pray that they are safe in Your keeping. For You are God, my God, and You will never forsake me.

But please don't take them. Or take me, too. I don't know if I could be here without them. I LOVE them.

I can't just give them to You, but I will try. again, and again, and again...perhaps someday, I will be able to give them to You completely, only by Your Grace.

Glory.

I missed You this morning.
I missed seeing You come up over the mountains.
How You start with the palest shades imaginable of pinks and blues.
How all the hills from front to back are black with the night, but then You layer them with shades of gray creating depth where before there was flat darkness.

I missed seeing You gently blend the pinks and blues with purple. Watching You streak the clouds in the sky with orange and white.
And the part where the sky turns to amber and gold, when it seems all day has arrived, and the horizon all around me glows with light, I love that part.

I missed seeing You this morning. Just when I thought things couldn't get any brighter, that we had all the light we needed - goes to show what I know...that's when You break out the sun.

First it comes out with a nudge, a tiny razor of hot yellow that is responsible for turning the sky all those amazing colors. That's about all I can watch...then I must turn my face away from watching each moment and am only able to steal back glimpses.

Like a torch in the most absent of light, You bring on the sun in fullness. The sky goes from bright yellow and orange, promising the day, to being day, full of blues and white clouds. You have exploded in Glorious daylight, once again delivering on a promise of another day...

Is that what it will be like to be with You? In Your presence? That we will be able to look all around You, but not at You, that Your Glory will shine with such radiance and heat that we will have to steal only glimpses? Oh, what delight.

Thank You, Lord, for giving us this day. For exploding onto the scene with fullness and Glory, with delight and radiance. Your arrival each day - though You never leave, is different each time...but the same also. Yes, Lord, I missed You coming this morning, but I am so grateful that even though I missed You, that You will still meet me. That I can still walk through my day with You. Thank You, for being there, each and every day, whether I meet You or not. Can we make a date for tomorrow? I will be working, but will be safe in Your eyes, I raise my eyes to look for You, to watch for You, and I would love a moment to be met by Your Grace.

Help me to open the door to my heart,
That I may let You in.

Help me to open the shutters to my soul,
That I might let You enter.

Help me, O Lord, to lift the blinds from my eyes,
That through You, I might see.

Help me, O Lord, to release the string from my heart,
That You might cause it to swell.

Help me, O my Christ, to let go my tongue,
That I might speak with Your Grace.

O Lord, help me be a vessel. A light. Salt for this time.

O lovely, O how Captivating, My Saviour, You who came to SAVE...
Dwell in me, that I might find rest for a soul that is aching.

Answers? Plans? Money? Things? Places? even people?

Help me, Dear Son of God, to need...
to want....
to hunger and thirst....
only for You.

Help me, I ask, in Your most precious name,
to be receptive.

To understand, and to desire just Your bread. Your water. Your Life giving presence.

On me.
This moment.
Today.

Amen...

Colossians 4:6
6Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

Please, O Lord Most High, please, give me your Grace in my conversations. Let my tongue be ruled by You. When I trip, let it be over something not of my own doing. I have complete and utter faith in You, my King, to lift me up and sustain me. To raise me from my knees to wrap my arms around your neck and bury my face against You, seeking and finding all the comfort I need. Let my words bring honor to You and to those around me. In my weakness You are my strength....thank you.

Moment.

Let me try to paint a word picture. The Bible is full of them, and so many, if the time is taken, are so beautiful that they bring tears to the eyes, and a swelling to the heart.

Tonight. Under the shade of a mighty oak close to 100 years old, the grass is green, soft and welcoming. A light breeze ripples through the leaves, creating a whisper of summer. The air is warm, and smells of heat, barbecue, and laundry. Perfect.

Sitting on the grass, the one year old alternates climbing in and out of my lap. Out...holding my shoulder with one hand, stepping over my criss-crossed legs, wobbling on his own, then backing up, little bootie out, to lower himself into my lap. plunk. The 4 year old...brimming with excitement, smiles bubbling over with joy. Lying on his stomach for full benefit. The 6 year old is criss-cross also. He is growing up so big. So fast. Thick hair ruffled by the breeze, smile lazy and full. Happy from a busy day.

Watermelon. Red. Ripe. Juicy. The one year old, out of the lap, reaching forward to grab a piece from my hand. "AAAHHHH", he says. The 4 year old, lying on his stomach to eat like a puppy, juice dribbling, no, rolling, sloshing down his chin, spread from red cheek to red cheek. The 6 year old, so big, sitting so straight, juice flowing freely down his chin also.

All healthy. All strong. All miracles. All amazing. And I look at it and say, "It is good."

For a moment, all the world is forgotten. The hurry, the rush, the anger, frustration, worry, fears, and brokenness of this corrupt world....vanished. For a moment, God is present. Fully, and without compromise. In the children. In me. In full and unabashed contentment.

Thank you. I could feel Your arms around me, Lord. I could see Your likeness in the faces of Your children. Your company was comfort. Your presence, perfection. Your goodness, full of Grace. O Lord, I long for more moments. For You to be in them. For You to surround my days, and fill my heart.

Thank you. For a moment. May I have more? by Your Grace, may I please, have more?

I.

Hebrews 10:10 And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.

I. Once. As in the number. Once for all. Never needing again. Final. Opening and closing all in one occurance. No sequel. No prequel. Only. That He died for me, and saved me from my thoughts, habits, ways, manners, actions, lack of grace, missing of mercy, departure from kindness. He. died. for. me. And He did it once. Never needs to be done again.

I. As in the number of trees we were forbidden from eating. Only one. One garden. One man. One woman. One serpent. One question. One action. One occasion where one choice was made. One decision. One bite. Once shared. One swerve off the path of good. One point for evil.

I. As in the person. Myself. Singular. Only. If I were the only person in the world. He still would have died once. After having lived once. Taught once. He would have died once. For me. And being the only one, I would have been judge and jury. I would have been the only one there to nail Him to the cross so that he could die for me. As I pounded the nails. I would have heard the echo of the hammer on steel spikes. I would have looked into His eyes. I would have seen the anguish. I would have seen the question there. Why? I would have looked to the heavens as the skies grew dark. I would have been alone. with. Him. saved. by. Him. alone.

I. As in the Alpha. and the Omega. The first and foremost. The only. The overwhelming. The Saviour. The Creator. Once and for all. The most Holy. The giver of Grace, the maker of Mercy. The God of Love and Fierce Jealousy. Free to choose. The sacrifice. The love. The death.

I. One day. One time. One moment. One choice. Once saved.