Moment.

Let me try to paint a word picture. The Bible is full of them, and so many, if the time is taken, are so beautiful that they bring tears to the eyes, and a swelling to the heart.

Tonight. Under the shade of a mighty oak close to 100 years old, the grass is green, soft and welcoming. A light breeze ripples through the leaves, creating a whisper of summer. The air is warm, and smells of heat, barbecue, and laundry. Perfect.

Sitting on the grass, the one year old alternates climbing in and out of my lap. Out...holding my shoulder with one hand, stepping over my criss-crossed legs, wobbling on his own, then backing up, little bootie out, to lower himself into my lap. plunk. The 4 year old...brimming with excitement, smiles bubbling over with joy. Lying on his stomach for full benefit. The 6 year old is criss-cross also. He is growing up so big. So fast. Thick hair ruffled by the breeze, smile lazy and full. Happy from a busy day.

Watermelon. Red. Ripe. Juicy. The one year old, out of the lap, reaching forward to grab a piece from my hand. "AAAHHHH", he says. The 4 year old, lying on his stomach to eat like a puppy, juice dribbling, no, rolling, sloshing down his chin, spread from red cheek to red cheek. The 6 year old, so big, sitting so straight, juice flowing freely down his chin also.

All healthy. All strong. All miracles. All amazing. And I look at it and say, "It is good."

For a moment, all the world is forgotten. The hurry, the rush, the anger, frustration, worry, fears, and brokenness of this corrupt world....vanished. For a moment, God is present. Fully, and without compromise. In the children. In me. In full and unabashed contentment.

Thank you. I could feel Your arms around me, Lord. I could see Your likeness in the faces of Your children. Your company was comfort. Your presence, perfection. Your goodness, full of Grace. O Lord, I long for more moments. For You to be in them. For You to surround my days, and fill my heart.

Thank you. For a moment. May I have more? by Your Grace, may I please, have more?

I.

Hebrews 10:10 And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.

I. Once. As in the number. Once for all. Never needing again. Final. Opening and closing all in one occurance. No sequel. No prequel. Only. That He died for me, and saved me from my thoughts, habits, ways, manners, actions, lack of grace, missing of mercy, departure from kindness. He. died. for. me. And He did it once. Never needs to be done again.

I. As in the number of trees we were forbidden from eating. Only one. One garden. One man. One woman. One serpent. One question. One action. One occasion where one choice was made. One decision. One bite. Once shared. One swerve off the path of good. One point for evil.

I. As in the person. Myself. Singular. Only. If I were the only person in the world. He still would have died once. After having lived once. Taught once. He would have died once. For me. And being the only one, I would have been judge and jury. I would have been the only one there to nail Him to the cross so that he could die for me. As I pounded the nails. I would have heard the echo of the hammer on steel spikes. I would have looked into His eyes. I would have seen the anguish. I would have seen the question there. Why? I would have looked to the heavens as the skies grew dark. I would have been alone. with. Him. saved. by. Him. alone.

I. As in the Alpha. and the Omega. The first and foremost. The only. The overwhelming. The Saviour. The Creator. Once and for all. The most Holy. The giver of Grace, the maker of Mercy. The God of Love and Fierce Jealousy. Free to choose. The sacrifice. The love. The death.

I. One day. One time. One moment. One choice. Once saved.

Revealed.

Shrouded in mist. Veiled in gray. Heavy with moisture, the air drips. Not even enough light for a shadow. And yet, I know the sun is coming. I can see it - through the clouds. I have talked before about dark and light, how He brings the sun up in His own measure of time. Today was no different, but it was. Again the same, and again so spectacular. With a crack in the cloud cover, a hint of His Glory shines through. Enough for a budding hope.

Paul again...2 Cor. 4:4 The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ who is the image of God....

What kind of god (small 'g') has blinded me? I believe the god of comfort. I would like to be comfortable. I tend to shirk away from things that are not comfortable. I don't enjoy confrontation and shy from conflict. I exercise, but don't like to do so to the point of pain or discomfort. I'd love to have more security in where we are as a family, but am reluctant to chase the stability of employment somewhere else. So I retreat into my safe little corner, and long for the glory of perfect harmony to be revealed!

It. will. never. happen.

Not just waiting for it. I have to suffer a little. Paul goes on....2 Cor. 4: 10-12...We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

When I am in pain, do I recognize that this is the death of Christ in me? Do I thank Him for sharing His pain?????

I heard a friend say recently regarding the death of their spouse of 38+ years..."I have to embrace the pain, for greater then will be the joy when it comes."

And yet I long for the Experience of Christ. I recently heard a sermon that said "If Christ were to appear RIGHT NOW and ask you to do something you didn't want to do, would you do it?" You know it would be for His glory, and for His goodness, but it is something you don't want to do. It would be hard. It would most certainly be uncomfortable.

My stomach turns, grinds, aches, while my legs keep moving on the bike. I ask for Him to reveal Himself and break through the clouds. Like a child on a car ride, "are You out yet?" "have You broken through the clouds yet?" "Have You set the day on fire and chased away the gloom?"

no. So I put my head down, and retreat into my pain. My discomfort. But I know, from past experience, and from hearing His message, that if I ask, and if I wait....

Then it happens. I come around the corner, and peering down over the valley, He has lifted the veil. He has drawn back the curtain. He has painted the day with Light! Streaming in from the heavens, every drop a prism, all the colors awash in ethereal luminescence. He shows Himself from the heights. Glorious. Joy. Awe. Astounding. Spellbound. humbling.

The life of Christ is alive in this day! The Glory of the Lord is on fire! He does reign! From on high, He is revealed! In His good time, in His measure, and by His Grace.

Shepherd

Ahh, the words of King David...a lowly shepherd boy who became a great king, who became known as a man after God's own heart.
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

Truly, I need a shepherd. I long to let Him make me lie down. Sometimes our good Heavenly Father makes us lie down. Sometimes through sickness, sometimes a gentle longing to rest. I long for Him to wrap His arms around me and restore me! To lead me, to depend on Him....completely.
Sheep are not known for their intelligence, they are instead thought of to be sort of slow, and certainly simple minded. They don't try to take things into their own hands....oh to be a sheep.
I say this psalm to my littlest one each night before I lay him down. He leans in to me and places his forehead on my chin. It is a complete surrender to rest, to being held and to being loved. Jesus says to let the children come to him. That if we have faith such as little children, then ours will be the kingdom of heaven. I know, when I am worried or distressed, that I am not giving glory to my Father, but instead am honoring satan in his work of destruction. I am giving credence to the fallen angel, giving power to his schemes of worry, stress, fear and pain. My heavenly Father loves me TOO MUCH to let my soul be damned eternally. I know that there will be pain and fear and hardship in this life, but oh so much more is the JOY that awaits in the next. But right here, right now, I have loving children, family and friends...and my heavenly Father. I am not alone. While I may rail and rant, while I may cry and be saddened, it must not last. I believe that even my Father gets sad, but when we turn it around, He delights in us. For me to be sad is okay. For me to get worried is okay. But for me to carry it, for me to take my own burdens and KEEP them is NOT OKAY. For me to hold steadfast to fear and anxiety and worry is not in obedience to my Father who loves me.

Help me today, Father, to lie my head against you while you whisper in my ear. Help me to be restored in you, to be led along your paths, and to know that Goodness and mercy shall follow me as I follow you all the days of my life.
Thank you for allowing me to see you, Lord, thank you for allowing my eyes to be opened today, and to smile again, by your Grace.

Oh, My Soul...

I hurt. I used to say that my heart hurts. Most of the time I am able to keep going and cover it over with the events of daily life, but every now and again I am unable to keep it at bay. The hurt. When I am distracted I am much happier, but then when I slow down, I see it again. I feel it again. I ache.
I also want to curse at You. I want to shake my fist and scream. But I am not a screamer, so I cry....and I ache. I close my eyes, and wonder at who I would be if I didn't feel this way. I yearn to be satisfied. I desire to end my discontent....and when I am distracted, it is not a problem. But when I slow down and feel the end of the day, when it all catches up to me, I burn.
Fat tears well up in my eyes and I feel them coursing through my soul. It's like something is eating me from the inside and won't stop. An almost physical pain that holds me down and makes me question all of You.

So I pray. I try to strike a deal with you. An "if - then" kind of proposition. "If You will....then I will...." and as the God of the Universe, the Maker of All Creation...You, and You alone have the power to answer my plea.

As my Heavenly Father, don't you want me happy? Your word says that if we ask in Your name then You will give us the desires of our hearts...in fact, that our joy will be complete!John 16:23

23In that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 24Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.

And this is where I get in trouble. I am not knowledgeable about Your Word to take things out of context. So I wonder, am I truly asking in Your name?

Because I so want this, I want to be asking in Your name so that You'll give it to me! I am impatient. I am fretful. I am sore. I am lost. I am envious. I am hurting. I feel so empty. And yet, if we ask in Your name, our Heavenly Father will give, and my joy will be complete. What bliss!!

What is it that is so very wrong with me that I can't handle where I am? Why push? Why the disturbing feelings? Why the vexation? Why can't I get past this? Why does it seem there is only one answer to my thorn?

And then I read from Job...where his doubts are becoming destructive in his belief that You would do good for him....You answer....Job 40, 41, 42

Brace yourself like a man; I will question you. and you shall answer me.
Would you discredit my justice? Would you condemn me to justify yourself? Do you have an arm like God's, and can your voice thunder like his? Then adorn yourself with glory and splendor and clothe yourself ni honor and majesty. Unleash the fury of your wrath.....

You continue and talk about the wonders and marvels You have created, and how they are too much for the simple man....and I am oh, so simple.

Then Job answers You....I know that you can do all things, no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, "Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?" Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. You said, Listen now, and I will speak, I will question you, and you shall answer me. My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despised myself and repent in dust and ashes.

things too wonderful for me to know. For I know the plans You have for me...plans to prosper me, for good, not evil.

Open my eyes, Father, let me see...let me heal....by Your Grace.

Strength.

Paul again...Ephesians 3:14
Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Louie Giglio talks about laminin...amazing little tiny cellular structure that works within us at the most fundamental of levels....It is in the shape of a cross. Jesus is there with us at the most fundamental of levels. The most basic functioning finds Him inside of us. And yet there were people before He came and died, and they must have had this laminin....before the significance of the cross....hmmm. With the triune God all One, could there really have been a "before" the significance of the cross...probably not. Before the event on the cross, yes, but before the significance? No, probably not. He is in us.

He is strength. He is power. I love Paul's imagery of getting dressed with the power and the protection of God. He uses descriptions of clothing that is rooted in protection. A belt, a breastplate, a shield and a helmet, a sword. He tells us to have our feet fitted with readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. Our shield of faith that will extinguish flaming arrows. How heroic our God has made us. How daring and bold we are to go forth with His as our garb! With Him as our breastplate and shield. There is no dragon of fear, no beast of worry, no demon of selfishness that can stand once we are clothed in the armor of the Lord. He is our strength and shield! He is our portion. With the bodies given us in His image - as if that weren't enough - He still gives us Himself on the outside. From head to toe He protects His children.

And on the inside He is there. Not just in our hearts, but in the very fiber of our being. In the laminin that binds and functions at the cellular level. Within and without, He is the master of my being.

The God of the Universe - the One who created all we see - He is the armor that protects and delights me in my day. He is the One who holds my right hand and will not let me fall....and from inside, where I doubt, where I question, where I worry and fret, He is the glue, the hold-fast-togetherness that keeps my body functioning....I will make it another day, by His Grace.